The 35th Precinct

I watched the pilot of Almost Human last night. Watching it on my laptop without Roomie drifting over to yammer at me, I picked up on a few things.

1.)I suspect that had the show continued, Maldonado would've been the mole in the department. Why? Because I think Dorian was meant to be her unwitting monitor of John's every move. Rudy says he has to give him Dorian because there are no more MXes available, but as the camera pans through his lab, we see at least one MX bagged and hanging in front of Dorian. She could've given him that one, but John says she specifically asked for Dorian. Why? He was already slated to work on the space station? And why give a fragile, mentally unstable cop a model notorious for emotional instability? When John asks her, she gives him the pat, feel-good answer of, "Because he's special, John, just like you."

The benign answer is, of course, that she assigned Dorian to him because she knew he needed a more human partner, one with whom he could make one of those messy personal connections, but what if it's more sinister? John tells us that Anna approached him at a stoplight to flirt, thus beginning their doomed romance. How did Anna know he was a cop, and how did she know where to find him? Surveillance, maybe, but how did she know John would be leading the raid against the Insyndicate? It's possible that she knew because Maldonado told her. Maldonado would have access to that information, as well as access to John's locator chip, and I'd bet she knew John well enough to feed her information designed to help her win John's affections. About his past. His pride. His loneliness. His interests. Hell, maybe she told her about his father, though I think John did that.

And what about Vogel and the case file that got purged from the database? From what little we saw of Vogel, he didn't seem the most diligent of souls. Maybe she saw him as expendable, the perfect guinea pig. How did the baddies know where he would be unless someone in the know tipped them off? Someone like Maldonado, who immediately assigns John to the case because she knows he'll suss out the plot, find Vogel, see the results of the toxin, flip out, and run to the recollectionist and demand he root around in his brain again. She sends Dorian after him because she knows the risk, and she can't afford to have John die before he's served his purpose, whatever that is.

At some point, I think Dorian was supposed to turn on John, thanks to a backdoor command implanted in his subroutines. Once he'd killed John, Maldonado could point to the DRNs' history of instability and have him destroyed. Or maybe he was meant to frame John, which is why she never reprimanded him for beating suspects, taking illegal drugs, or ignoring her orders. She needed him to have a record of erratic behavior so that when he tried to proclaim his innocence and expose her scheme, no one would believe him.

For what it's worth, I don't think it would have worked, if only because Dorian's loyalty to John would have allowed him to resist the illicit programming long enough for John to escape and regroup. John would've gotten him to Rudy to remove the trojan, and the three of them would've worked to bring them down from beyond the wall.

Last night was a carnival of suck in which I had a minor panic attack. This one featured heroic ass cramps, the sweats, back pain, and clammy hands. Whee! I can't pinpoint a cause, but I suspect it's rooted in the swirling vortex of incompetence and uncertainty generated by the Trump regime. It's hard to feel safe when your President declares the press an enemy of the people and holds multi-million-dollar rallies to feed his gargantuan ego.

Roomie and I are watching Clone Wars. This nominal kids' show fleshed out and humanized Anakin and the greater Stars Wars universe far better than the craptabulous prequels. I actually feel sorry for him even though I know how he ends up, and I'm on tenterhooks to see how the inevitable downfall plays out. If the embarrassing, cash-grabbing, shoddy prequels had been created with this much forethought and attention to detail, they might have converted me into a bona fide Star Wars fan.

I wouldn't mind if someone throttled Jar-Jar Binks, though.

It's a bummer that Karl Urban has fallen silent on Twitter. His silly, happy posts were a ray of sunshine. Maybe he's working or spending time with loved ones, or maybe social media has lost its charm after a few tangles with Trumplodytes. Whatever the case may be, I hope he hasn't given it up entirely.

I also hope he announces a few cons this year.


I watched another disc of Tales From the Darkside last night. It was hit-or-miss. "A Case of the Stubborns" was a campy, fun, gross romp featuring a young Brent Spiner and Christian Slater, and "Anniversary Dinner" was about a kindly old couple who aren't what they seem. The ending shot confused me, though. I'm not sure if the skulls in the cabinet were meant to come to life and join the feast, or if it was meant to show their previous victims.

The rest were mediocre, okay but forgettable. Except for "Answer Me", which was an overwrought travesty about...a murderous phone. I pitied the poor actress, who had to narrate her way through this shrill farce(she quite literally says things like, "I can't believe I'm going to the bathroom.")in a cultured English accent that would be at home in London's West End. As she mutters and rants her way through the scenes, a paranoid, petulant harridan berating nieces and hapless building supers who don't have a miracle solution for a ringing telephone in a vacant apartment, one feels not dread of the supernatural didoes in the room next door, but sympathy for her friends and relatives and a sneaking suspicion that she's quite unhinged.

But nope. Evil, homicidal Bakelite telephone. Which she threatens to beat to death with her bare hands. Phone: 1, Nutbar: 0, and the dumbest twenty minutes of television I've watched in a long time.


I also watched Kubo and the Two Strings. What a bittersweet, hopeful movie. It's such a shame it made no money, because it was clearly made with such love and attention to detail. For all the Internet squawks that the world hungers for more diversity and inclusion, something different from the same tired pandering to Anglo-Saxon culture, the box office returns tell a sadly different story.

Am I, a disabled woman who has been routinely discriminated against, ridiculed, feared as a terrifying, uncomfortable Other, and isolated in all facets of life, but especially in dating and friendship, supposed to sympathize Stahl for the plight of perfection? Go fuck yourself, AH writers. Forgive me if I do not weep for someone who will never get a disease or die of anything but old age unless she's killed in the line of duty. I don't give a spastic rat's ass about how hard it is to be a gorgeous, healthy genius.

Now, if they had taken the tack that Stahl resented her parents for being unwilling to accept who she might have been had they left her to chance, I'd've been all over it, but nope. Just a whole infodump of how perfect she is.

I loved the rest of the episode, though. The case was solid and well-paced, and everyone, including the perpetrator, was sympathetic. I can't help but wonder if things might've turned out had John said he'd never been loved instead. I think the thought crossed his mind, but in the end, such an admission was too painful.

And poor John. He made his move too late and was left floundering and alone. We're supposed to be loved, indeed.

( American Slobbery Is Setting In )


Separately, these clothes might've been chic and attractive. Together and rumpled, they're...unfortunate. The man needs someone to iron his clothes.

( Almost Human 109: Unbound--SPOILERS )

One thousand two hundred and eighty-three words today.

( Sleepy Hollow Season Finale--Minor SPOILERS )

I love this show.

If you're looking for more creepypastas, MrCreepyPasta on Youtube might fit the bill. His narration is unpolished and sometimes intrusive, but there are many stories I haven't read before. As a hobbyist writer, I can often suss out the twists before they happen, but that's a cheerful hazard of the genre and of being well-read, and it's still fun to watch the writer get there.

Duolingo has shit the bed for the moment and--temporarily, at least--wiped out my streak stats and skill points for the week. Boo. In other irritating news, my copy of Out of the Blue from a usually reliable seller arrived scratched to hell. I'm not sure it'll play. I'll test it tomorrow. If it won't, I'll have to buy it elsewhere. Roomie was indignant on my behalf when he saw the damage this morning. Feh.

In better news, Almost Human's ratings have begun to climb, which could bode well for a second season. Of course, Fox has immediately undermined this welcome momentum by putting it on hiatus for three weeks. They wouldn't want a show in which they've invested millions to succeed, now, would they? It's not a great show; in fact, the writing can be incredibly lazy, but it has potential. It also has a disabled character on TV, even if they handwave most of the challenges his disability would naturally present. Yes, even in 2048, being a high-level amputee would present a challenge. Bionic legs don't fix everything. And Karl Urban is hot. Stupidly hot. And I want more Dorian, and an exploration of mech rights or lack thereof, because they're clearly more sentient than the humans realize. I wouldn't care if Stahl were mown down by a city bus tomorrow, though. She the designated love interest, period, and though we're told she's smart, tough, and competent, I've never actually seen it. I have, however, seen her conflating empathy with a case of embarrassing and terribly inconvenient gas.

( Sleepy Hollow--Minor SPOILERS )

Nine hundred and sixty words today.

( Almost Human 107: Simon Says--SPOILERS )

Still hot.

The new DVD player has proven to be a little powerhouse. Thanks to it, we've managed to watch several DVDs the Xbox wouldn't play, including the last episode of Breaking Bad S1. Damn, but Skyler and Marie are shrill and annoying. They're paying hundred of thousands of dollars for top-rated cancer treatment that Skyler wanted, and Skyler decides to get all butthurt that the advanced cancer hasn't magically vanished overnight and starts carping about alternative treatments? Cancer is terrifying for everyone, and I realize she's pregnant, but really. Walt could use a little support, not more bills.