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Age is unkind to a body, especially one so ramshackle as mine. It has always ached on some level, battered by spastic muscles and misaligned bones and the constant thrum of anxiety, but it has recently added another twinge and throb to its ailing repertoire: My ass hurts. A hemorrhoid, mayhap; I've been prone to them since adolescence, a consequence of the aforementioned anxiety and spasticity. Or maybe as I've aged, my ass has compressed, flattened by years of immobility. I've never beheld my glutes in the mirror, but I do know that they certainly aren't maximus, and I have the sneaking, unhappy suspicion that if I were to stand upright, I would bear an uncanny resemblance to Michigan J. Frog. Guera Noshanks, they would call me in the sprawling lore of a fantasy novel, the wizened, stringy crone hunched in the corner of some filthy tavern that smelled of hay and malt and festering B.O., and I would be the bearer of the pivotal prophecy. At least until I dropped dead, felled by a convenient embolism right before the truth is revealed.
Hemorrhoid or a simple case of Flat Ass, this is no small concern for someone who has no choice but to sit(And on a related note, I can't tell you how cheered I am by all those studies that claim sitting shortens the lifespan. Whee!). Whatever it is, I hope it subsides soon.
Still no joy in Mudville. I doubt there will be, truth be told. His career has picked up under new management, and I doubt he'll have much time for con appearances anymore. I can't fault him, and I'm glad there'll be new projects this year, but a pathetic, wistful part of me is sad that I won't get the chance to be touched by his kindness this year.
Hemorrhoid or a simple case of Flat Ass, this is no small concern for someone who has no choice but to sit(And on a related note, I can't tell you how cheered I am by all those studies that claim sitting shortens the lifespan. Whee!). Whatever it is, I hope it subsides soon.
Still no joy in Mudville. I doubt there will be, truth be told. His career has picked up under new management, and I doubt he'll have much time for con appearances anymore. I can't fault him, and I'm glad there'll be new projects this year, but a pathetic, wistful part of me is sad that I won't get the chance to be touched by his kindness this year.
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