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Not long ago, I was toobing through TVLand, and when I came to a stop on that wretched, Hollywood-slurping septic tank known as the TVGuide Channel, they were pointing out that NBC was rolling out a new horror anthology show in the vein of The Twilight Zone called Fear Itself. I'm not so weaned of my lifelong horror addiction that I could let that pass without a gander, so I resolved to watch.
And then promptly forgot about it until last Monday, when NBC ran an ad for it during Nashville Star.
So, on Thursday, I settled in to watch.
I'm undecided. On the one hand, the plot of the week was a trifle hackneyed. A bride receives a mysterious note on her wedding day, warning her that she's about to marry a serial killer. I've seen and read that particular chestnut a hundred times. It usually ends with the spooked bride killing her groom in a moment of panic, only to discover that A)the note had been written by a jilted ex in a successful bid to ruin her happiness, or that B)the note was delivered to the wrong church. Sometimes it ends with the bride blithely marrying her beau anyway and living to rue it...for about five minutes. Either way, it's horror meatloaf and applesauce.
This version remixed the meatloaf with the twist of having the note be delivered to the right wedding but to the wrong person, but meatloaf is meatloaf even if you put fancy garnish on it. Roomie called the twist with one ear and eye on the screen and the other on his IM window. It wasn't hair-raising cinema.
On the other hand, it looks like NBC is giving it their best shot. They've got horror maestros like John Landis of American Werewolf in London fame attached to the project(he directed this plate of meatloaf), as well as Mick Garris, who's worked on King's earlier movies. Next week, the director of Re-Animator will tip his directorial hat.
And they've enlisted good production and talented actors. Mitch Pileggi played the deaf-as-a-post priest. The acting was solid on all sides, and no one made me tear my shirt, beat my breasts bloody, and scream, "Your lines, you're reading them wrong, you cock-gobbling producer's fuckdoll."
I doubt the show will survive past its summer filler role, and I suspect I'll be lucky if it completes its initial 13-episode run. Zone needed a full year to find its niche, and modern networks don't have that much patience, not with the next reality show ratings bonanza waiting in the wings. Come fall, Fear Itself will be gone.
Still, I can hope for a nice DVD set of the initial run.
Speaking of DVDs, CBS has announced that CSI:NY S4 DVDs will be released September 23rd and will retail for $70.
Excuse me? $70 You're going to charge me $35 more than I've paid for previous sets while giving me three fewer episodes and crappy extras like commentary by Anthony Zuiker? I don't think so, Scooter. Fuck you, CBS, you greedy corporate shitstains.
I've got news for you, bubba. Season 4 was terrible. Most of the time, it struggled to be worth its usual asking price of $45. Most of the time, it wasn't. Most of the time, it was an hour-long peepshow, wherein we watched Zuiker masturbate to his latest corporate Dom while telling us all that it was oh, so good, baby. I refuse to pay any money for that, much less $70.
There were 3 or 4 watchable episodes in S4, in my opinion--"You Only Die Once"(solely for Action!Flack, you understand), "Child's Play","All in the Family", and "Admissions". "Right Next Door" doesn't make my ass throb with the burning ache of plundered time I'll never get back, either, so maybe that's 5. 5 episodes out of 21. And you expect me to pay $70. In your dreams. If I jones that hard for those episodes, I'm sure I could persuade someone in LJland to burn them to DVD for me and send them in exchange for an ITunes gift card.
Ah, modern fannish commerce.
No, thanks, CBS. I'll spend that $70 on something actually entertaining, like Rammsten CDs and a copy of Volkerball on DVD so that I can watch the magnificent Till Lindemann for three hours, most of those hours spent sans shirt.
Mmmm. Now that's bang for your buck.
And then promptly forgot about it until last Monday, when NBC ran an ad for it during Nashville Star.
So, on Thursday, I settled in to watch.
I'm undecided. On the one hand, the plot of the week was a trifle hackneyed. A bride receives a mysterious note on her wedding day, warning her that she's about to marry a serial killer. I've seen and read that particular chestnut a hundred times. It usually ends with the spooked bride killing her groom in a moment of panic, only to discover that A)the note had been written by a jilted ex in a successful bid to ruin her happiness, or that B)the note was delivered to the wrong church. Sometimes it ends with the bride blithely marrying her beau anyway and living to rue it...for about five minutes. Either way, it's horror meatloaf and applesauce.
This version remixed the meatloaf with the twist of having the note be delivered to the right wedding but to the wrong person, but meatloaf is meatloaf even if you put fancy garnish on it. Roomie called the twist with one ear and eye on the screen and the other on his IM window. It wasn't hair-raising cinema.
On the other hand, it looks like NBC is giving it their best shot. They've got horror maestros like John Landis of American Werewolf in London fame attached to the project(he directed this plate of meatloaf), as well as Mick Garris, who's worked on King's earlier movies. Next week, the director of Re-Animator will tip his directorial hat.
And they've enlisted good production and talented actors. Mitch Pileggi played the deaf-as-a-post priest. The acting was solid on all sides, and no one made me tear my shirt, beat my breasts bloody, and scream, "Your lines, you're reading them wrong, you cock-gobbling producer's fuckdoll."
I doubt the show will survive past its summer filler role, and I suspect I'll be lucky if it completes its initial 13-episode run. Zone needed a full year to find its niche, and modern networks don't have that much patience, not with the next reality show ratings bonanza waiting in the wings. Come fall, Fear Itself will be gone.
Still, I can hope for a nice DVD set of the initial run.
Speaking of DVDs, CBS has announced that CSI:NY S4 DVDs will be released September 23rd and will retail for $70.
Excuse me? $70 You're going to charge me $35 more than I've paid for previous sets while giving me three fewer episodes and crappy extras like commentary by Anthony Zuiker? I don't think so, Scooter. Fuck you, CBS, you greedy corporate shitstains.
I've got news for you, bubba. Season 4 was terrible. Most of the time, it struggled to be worth its usual asking price of $45. Most of the time, it wasn't. Most of the time, it was an hour-long peepshow, wherein we watched Zuiker masturbate to his latest corporate Dom while telling us all that it was oh, so good, baby. I refuse to pay any money for that, much less $70.
There were 3 or 4 watchable episodes in S4, in my opinion--"You Only Die Once"(solely for Action!Flack, you understand), "Child's Play","All in the Family", and "Admissions". "Right Next Door" doesn't make my ass throb with the burning ache of plundered time I'll never get back, either, so maybe that's 5. 5 episodes out of 21. And you expect me to pay $70. In your dreams. If I jones that hard for those episodes, I'm sure I could persuade someone in LJland to burn them to DVD for me and send them in exchange for an ITunes gift card.
Ah, modern fannish commerce.
No, thanks, CBS. I'll spend that $70 on something actually entertaining, like Rammsten CDs and a copy of Volkerball on DVD so that I can watch the magnificent Till Lindemann for three hours, most of those hours spent sans shirt.
Mmmm. Now that's bang for your buck.
Tags:
- csi:ny,
- dvd,
- fear itself,
- tv