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Unfortunately, I won't be able to visit ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
stroppy_prof and andsaca369 in St. Augustine, but I did manage to chat with both of them this afternoon, and it was a real treat. I'm afraid I sounded a little gormless, but in my defense, my Yank ears had difficulty deciphering the British inflection. All I understood definitively was, "It's too hot."
Wuss. It was only 90F.
I was immeasurably glad to hear from them, but since I promised that I would be honest in this journal no matter how unbecoming a portrait it painted of me, I must confess a festering resentment that I won't be able to see them. It is not directed atstroppy_prof or andsaca369, mind; they are lovely, lovely people, and I am just glad they invited me to visit if I could. No, it's aimed at the circumstances that prohibit me from seeing them-school, lack of money and transportation-and at jade_ombrage, whom I have invited for a visit thrice. Thrice she has turned me down, citing lack of transportation or work, yet she manages a way around both in this case. Mmm hmm.
Is it petty? Yes? Do I care? Not at the moment, but I'm sure that when the sting of disappointment and the ghosts of spineless brush-offs pasts recede, I'll feel like a weiner for writing this. At the same time, though, it feels good to write it down, to see it on the screen, divested from its emotional context. It lets me know that I don't live in an ivory tower, and that my shit, while sporadic in its appearance, does, indeed, stink.
I'm not going to sendjade_ombrage freeze-dried dog turds in the mail to express my displeasure, nor am I going to excommunicate her from my miniscule circle of friends in a paroxysm of emo angst and tragic brooding over the world's cruelty, but I am going to sit back and reevaluate my status as a friend on both sides of the spectrum. Maybe I'm not pulling my weight in that regard. Maybe I need to put more effort into it, make it worth her while to see me, as it so clearly is for her to see them. Maybe I've expected too much and given too little. It wouldn't be the first time.
Or maybe I'm just too thick to recognize a blowoff when it comes.
stroppy_prof and andsaca369 in St. Augustine, but I did manage to chat with both of them this afternoon, and it was a real treat. I'm afraid I sounded a little gormless, but in my defense, my Yank ears had difficulty deciphering the British inflection. All I understood definitively was, "It's too hot."Wuss. It was only 90F.
I was immeasurably glad to hear from them, but since I promised that I would be honest in this journal no matter how unbecoming a portrait it painted of me, I must confess a festering resentment that I won't be able to see them. It is not directed at
stroppy_prof or andsaca369, mind; they are lovely, lovely people, and I am just glad they invited me to visit if I could. No, it's aimed at the circumstances that prohibit me from seeing them-school, lack of money and transportation-and at jade_ombrage, whom I have invited for a visit thrice. Thrice she has turned me down, citing lack of transportation or work, yet she manages a way around both in this case. Mmm hmm.Is it petty? Yes? Do I care? Not at the moment, but I'm sure that when the sting of disappointment and the ghosts of spineless brush-offs pasts recede, I'll feel like a weiner for writing this. At the same time, though, it feels good to write it down, to see it on the screen, divested from its emotional context. It lets me know that I don't live in an ivory tower, and that my shit, while sporadic in its appearance, does, indeed, stink.
I'm not going to send
jade_ombrage freeze-dried dog turds in the mail to express my displeasure, nor am I going to excommunicate her from my miniscule circle of friends in a paroxysm of emo angst and tragic brooding over the world's cruelty, but I am going to sit back and reevaluate my status as a friend on both sides of the spectrum. Maybe I'm not pulling my weight in that regard. Maybe I need to put more effort into it, make it worth her while to see me, as it so clearly is for her to see them. Maybe I've expected too much and given too little. It wouldn't be the first time.Or maybe I'm just too thick to recognize a blowoff when it comes.
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