Dear Teacher

Dear Professor L,

You suck. I can deal with your obtuse explanations of phonemic concepts and your gormless expression when questioned by your bewildered pupils. Such things are a hazard of an educational system reliant upon underpaid and underqualified grad students and tenured old farts clinging to their titles and the doorjambs of their offices with the tenacity of a wolverine. However, I cannot cope with the fact that you assigned a torturous exercise in phonemic pairs and allophones, made it due before Thanksgiving, and promptly left the country so that we could not come to you with questions.

I have been wrangling with this final problem for four hours and am near tears, but there is no help in sight because I cannot reach you for clarification. How kind of you. Please fall into a hole in your travels. Happy Thanksgiving.

La Guera