Because I Say So, and That's How the World Works Now

Last night, as the roomie was trawling ESPN.com for his sports fix, he came across a headline that said, "Councilman Lobbies to Rename Devils." Apparently, said councilman, who is also a Baptist deacon, might I add, feels that a hockey team named the New Jersey Devils sends the unChristian heathen wrong message to people in these godless, Black Kiss-loving, Satanic, baby-eating troubled days. He thinks a change of name is in order. Why? "Personally, it offends me."

Did I miss a memo while I slumbered in a porno-dream haze? Since when has offense to one been grounds for deprivation to all? Can you really get the world made to your order just by whining? If so, hot damn. Grab a pen, lawmakers, because I've got a few requests:

( La Guera's Perfect World )