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I Quit
Sometimes it would be easier if I just never woke up. I'm tired of my parents running roughshod over me in the name of making my life better, of making decisions without my knowledge and expecting me to foot the bill. I was minding my own business, writing, when PC turned up doing doughnuts in the driveway in a three-wheeled scooter that the old man up the street was getting rid of. Apparently, it was now mine, because I could use it to get around, never mind that I already have a $4,000 paperweight for which I never asked. Oh, and they were going to be installing an electric lift on the back of the van, which would mean that I would no longer be able to open the back, but that's okay, because they were going to be ripping out one of the seats so I could still use my manual one the days it rained.
When was this going to happen? Oh, PC was just going to take the van to the mechanic and have it done in the next week or so. Who was going to be paying for it? Oh, I was, of course, but LOL, no worries, they're sure it won't be that much, and if it is, well, that's what the trust is for. You know, the trust that I was never, ever to touch, even for things I really needed, like dental work, because it was for the nebulous Later, when life really started to suck.
What about the $30 armrest pads I actually asked for because the padding on my manual armrests had worn off and I was scraping myself un the underlying bolts? Oh, who cares about that? You're getting this awesome scooter and a dune of unexpected bills. Isn't it great?
Oh, and my mother just thought she'd stop in tomorrow, because it's not like I've got anything better to do or might want to be alone, and I should be a little more grateful after all she's done for me.
I'm just- I fucking quit. I quit on the whole dirty rotten lot of it. I don't care if it makes me a loser or a whiner or pathetic. I'm tired of being overruled in my own life, tired of being a passenger in my own life while my mother sprays her control issues all over me because I can't get out of the way. I'm tired of being smothered and choked and treated as less than because I'm me, tired of being denied the most rudimentary courtesy she would extend to other human beings because I had the misfortune of shooting from between her idiot thighs. If this is my life, then maybe I don't want it anymore.
When was this going to happen? Oh, PC was just going to take the van to the mechanic and have it done in the next week or so. Who was going to be paying for it? Oh, I was, of course, but LOL, no worries, they're sure it won't be that much, and if it is, well, that's what the trust is for. You know, the trust that I was never, ever to touch, even for things I really needed, like dental work, because it was for the nebulous Later, when life really started to suck.
What about the $30 armrest pads I actually asked for because the padding on my manual armrests had worn off and I was scraping myself un the underlying bolts? Oh, who cares about that? You're getting this awesome scooter and a dune of unexpected bills. Isn't it great?
Oh, and my mother just thought she'd stop in tomorrow, because it's not like I've got anything better to do or might want to be alone, and I should be a little more grateful after all she's done for me.
I'm just- I fucking quit. I quit on the whole dirty rotten lot of it. I don't care if it makes me a loser or a whiner or pathetic. I'm tired of being overruled in my own life, tired of being a passenger in my own life while my mother sprays her control issues all over me because I can't get out of the way. I'm tired of being smothered and choked and treated as less than because I'm me, tired of being denied the most rudimentary courtesy she would extend to other human beings because I had the misfortune of shooting from between her idiot thighs. If this is my life, then maybe I don't want it anymore.