-Dammit, I missed Harper's Island last night because of a storm. Of course I did. I was looking forward to the next installment. It's not great television, or even particularly good television, but it's got atmosphere, and I'm invested in seeing how several plot threads resolve themselves. Do Henry and his friends discover Fat Man's nefarious didoes with the purloined money? Did Mr. Wellington survive the chandelier collapse, and will he confront his philandering wife? Will Abby ever dislodge the splintery, Daddy-hating stick from her ass long enough to tell us why she hates him?

Sometimes, I wish I had high-speed Internet with which to watch the shows I miss, but it's just not in the budget.

-I was fortunate enough to watch most of my shows' season finales. On the main, I found them lackluster and underwhelming when compared to previous years, but with the exception of the Bones season finale, which collapsed with three heave-inducing words, they were serviceable.

Bones: I wasn't enamored of the AU crime novel plot, as it read like terrible badfic, but the episode grew on me as it progressed. It was campy, stupid fun, with everyone playing an off-kilter yet clearly recognizable version of themselves. It lacked the weight of a finale, but it was fun.

And then, they unthreaded all the intricate groundwork they had laid for a Booth/Brennan pairing next season with three moronic, cheap, nose-thumbing, copout words. "Who are you?" Oh, huzzah. I could see where this was going if I were Mr. Magoo in the latter stages of cataracts. Booth has temporary amnesia, and now Brennan, who has finally acknowledged her feelings for him, will spend most of next season angsting over the fact that Booth no longer recognizes her or lusts after her priggish ass. Eventually, weary of wallowing in the woe, she will retreat behind her icy, clinical exterior and pretend that the loss of the Booth she knew is irrelevant. Oh, goody. And then Booth will miraculously recover his memory and proclaim his desire to father her child, only to be pushed away. Again. Oh, double goody and fuck you, Hart Hanson.

D

NCIS: Not bad, but they're getting too cute for their own good. So now Ziva was acting on Mossad's orders when she shot Ari to save Gibbs from imminent death in his own basement? Way to undermine one of the greatest, most emotional moments in NCIS history, you slavering, self-congratulating hacks. That moment, that choice, is the linchpin of Ziva's character and firmly established her as one of the good guys. Why are you undermining the strength of that moment to prop up the largely vestigial Vance and establish him as some elite, all-knowing mastermind? It's ridiculous. Even if Vance is being played by skeevy Eli David, it's still ridiculous, because that makes him look like a gullible rube, which flies directly in the face of the SecNav's touting of his secret ops skills the episode before. Pick a damn lane, assholes. Either he's a genius or a moron.

And really, if Eli David would send his daughter to kill his son and then send her to painful torture in North Africa, he deserves a bullet between the eyes, and I hope Gibbs or Ziva puts one there.

C

The Mentalist: Oh, Patrick. And oh, Lisbon, bless your naive, desperate optimism. I knew Red John's accomplice was going to die as soon as she reassured Jane that Red John was still within their reach because they had his helper in custody. I just didn't expect Jane to shoot him. And no, it wasn't motivated by revenge, but by the desire to save Lisbon from certain death. That Jane was willing to set aside his need for revenge and possibly destroy his chances of ever capturing Red John to save Lisbon speaks volumes about his true character. He's a sweet, decent, good man hiding his pain, insecurities, and inadequacies behind a wall of sarcasm and smug superiority.

For what it's worth, I still think Red John is Lisbon's boss, though the blind woman RJ was supposed to be shagging is a strong dark horse candidate. What better cover than blindness, and that shot of the teacup wasn't left there for pure aesthetics.

A

So, a recap of season finales:

NCIS: C
The Mentalist: A
Criminal Minds: A+
CSI:NY: A
Bones: D
Supernatural: N/A
Numb3rs: B+
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