How Not to Run a Rock Band

Oh, Rammstein, you so crazy. Does your management truly think that $80-100USD is a reasonable price to charge for concert tickets on your European tour? Really? For $30USD, I can see Metallica--you know, that helltastically awesome band recently inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame--and a decent opening act. That's four to five hours of guaranteed entertainment, or $6 an hour. For $80-100, you'd better be blasting live elephants to smithereens with tactical nukes and offering concertgoers a striptease by the band member of their choice.

If the pricing is similar for the promised(and we know how true Rammstein management is to the band's word, oh, yes, we do, the lying smearcunts)US tour in 2010, then I'm not sure I'll be able to go. It'll be $160 off the top, plus money for food, gas for whomever drives me there, possibly a hotel room, and any souvenirs I might want. Actually, if the pricing is similar, I foresee a frustrated Rammstein playing gigs in half-empty nightclubs, where the majority of the ticket holders are bewildered blue hairs who thought they were ponying up to see a lovely biergarten band bloomping away on the tubas like an overzealous National Geographic scientist setting the mood for a pair of Wright whales to do the nasty.

Managing and promoting a band, they're doing it wrong.

How Not to Run a Rock Band

Oh, Rammstein, you so crazy. Does your management truly think that $80-100USD is a reasonable price to charge for concert tickets on your European tour? Really? For $30USD, I can see Metallica--you know, that helltastically awesome band recently inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame--and a decent opening act. That's four to five hours of guaranteed entertainment, or $6 an hour. For $80-100, you'd better be blasting live elephants to smithereens with tactical nukes and offering concertgoers a striptease by the band member of their choice.

If the pricing is similar for the promised(and we know how true Rammstein management is to the band's word, oh, yes, we do, the lying smearcunts)US tour in 2010, then I'm not sure I'll be able to go. It'll be $160 off the top, plus money for food, gas for whomever drives me there, possibly a hotel room, and any souvenirs I might want. Actually, if the pricing is similar, I foresee a frustrated Rammstein playing gigs in half-empty nightclubs, where the majority of the ticket holders are bewildered blue hairs who thought they were ponying up to see a lovely biergarten band bloomping away on the tubas like an overzealous National Geographic scientist setting the mood for a pair of Wright whales to do the nasty.

Managing and promoting a band, they're doing it wrong.