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Last night, Roomie stepped out to raid the complex Coke machine and discovered a baby opossum in the breezeway. The mite was determinedly trying to scratch and hiss his way into the vacant neighboring apartment. Roomie tried to chivvy him away, but the opossum was unmoved by his huffing and blustering and simply played dead at random intervals, lifting its tiny head and peering surreptitiously about to see if the coast was clear, and then corking it again when it caught sight of Roomie doing his best angry bull moose impression. Roomie finally retrieved a skanky broom and an empty box and swept the baby inside. Then he carried it to the empty lot across the street and released it in the hope that it would eventually skedaddle off.
Unfortunately, I missed this because I was already abed and too tired and lazy to get dressed again. I could've gone out au naturel, I suppose, but I'm sure that had I done so, one of the night owl grad students would've picked that precise moment to shuffle through the breezeway with several bushels of dirty laundry and would've caught sight of my pendulous boobies playing a game of snake charmer with gravity. Best not to risk an indecent exposure charge just to get a look at an adorable critter. I'm sure the responding officer would've loved to push my naked ass the ten feet to the police substation and write that incident report.
I'm terribly confused about the purported swine flu "pandemic". According to the news media, we're all going to DIE, DIE, DIE, and there's no vaccine, and we're doomed, all doomed, and must cower in our homes with duct tape over the door, windows, and air vents until the threat passes. It's the beginning of THE END. Yet their own reports then claim that it can be treated with Tamiflu and Relenza if caught early. They further state that the reported U.S. cases are "mild" and admit that swine flu symptoms are identical to normal flu strains...until you're dead, that is. The only difference is that the symptoms might be more severe.
Well, that's helpful, and don't I feel better now? So, if I develop a sore throat and runny nose, I might have swine flu and should get to the hospital at once for isolation and treatment, but I might also have the simple flu and be wasting their time and supplies. Oh, and by going to the hospital, where they theoretically have confirmed cases, I've just exposed myself to a virus I didn't have and wouldn't have contracted if I'd just stayed home and taken a Dayquil.
Someone claimed that the swine flu had a six percent mortality rate, which is greater than the two-point-five percent mortality rate of the Spanish flu epidemic of 1918. That's frightening, I'll grant you, but doesn't that also mean the ninety-four percent of those infected survive and recover? I'm not an epidemiologist, and the media is so besotted with fear-mongering and perversely orgasmic hysteria that no one has bothered to clarify this. I would like some facts, please, and I'd be grateful if anyone has links to a reputable website not riddled with dangerous levels of crackass crazy.
Other Things I'd Like to Know:
How long until the gun-toting, racist rabble start blaming them "damn dirty wetbacks" and completely ignore the inconvenient truth that many of the original cases were white people who had recently vacationed in Cancun?
How long until the fundies seize on this as proof that God is punishing us for electing a black man President and allowing same-sex couples to marry?
And, if the sky is falling and we're all going to DIE, DIE, DIE, then why are you wasting the last minutes of time on earth with footage of Britney Spears' extensions being torn from her head? If things go the way you claim, she's going to have more pressing problems than a wardrobe mishap.
Unfortunately, I missed this because I was already abed and too tired and lazy to get dressed again. I could've gone out au naturel, I suppose, but I'm sure that had I done so, one of the night owl grad students would've picked that precise moment to shuffle through the breezeway with several bushels of dirty laundry and would've caught sight of my pendulous boobies playing a game of snake charmer with gravity. Best not to risk an indecent exposure charge just to get a look at an adorable critter. I'm sure the responding officer would've loved to push my naked ass the ten feet to the police substation and write that incident report.
I'm terribly confused about the purported swine flu "pandemic". According to the news media, we're all going to DIE, DIE, DIE, and there's no vaccine, and we're doomed, all doomed, and must cower in our homes with duct tape over the door, windows, and air vents until the threat passes. It's the beginning of THE END. Yet their own reports then claim that it can be treated with Tamiflu and Relenza if caught early. They further state that the reported U.S. cases are "mild" and admit that swine flu symptoms are identical to normal flu strains...until you're dead, that is. The only difference is that the symptoms might be more severe.
Well, that's helpful, and don't I feel better now? So, if I develop a sore throat and runny nose, I might have swine flu and should get to the hospital at once for isolation and treatment, but I might also have the simple flu and be wasting their time and supplies. Oh, and by going to the hospital, where they theoretically have confirmed cases, I've just exposed myself to a virus I didn't have and wouldn't have contracted if I'd just stayed home and taken a Dayquil.
Someone claimed that the swine flu had a six percent mortality rate, which is greater than the two-point-five percent mortality rate of the Spanish flu epidemic of 1918. That's frightening, I'll grant you, but doesn't that also mean the ninety-four percent of those infected survive and recover? I'm not an epidemiologist, and the media is so besotted with fear-mongering and perversely orgasmic hysteria that no one has bothered to clarify this. I would like some facts, please, and I'd be grateful if anyone has links to a reputable website not riddled with dangerous levels of crackass crazy.
Other Things I'd Like to Know:
How long until the gun-toting, racist rabble start blaming them "damn dirty wetbacks" and completely ignore the inconvenient truth that many of the original cases were white people who had recently vacationed in Cancun?
How long until the fundies seize on this as proof that God is punishing us for electing a black man President and allowing same-sex couples to marry?
And, if the sky is falling and we're all going to DIE, DIE, DIE, then why are you wasting the last minutes of time on earth with footage of Britney Spears' extensions being torn from her head? If things go the way you claim, she's going to have more pressing problems than a wardrobe mishap.
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