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I'll probably finish SLS50 tonight. Would have done last night, but I wound up at the movies for a triple feature of Hide and Seek, Million Dollar Baby, and Assault on Precinct 13. I had a great deal of fun, but man, my eyes were hot, throobing balls of agony after six hours in a theater. Part of it was the proximity to the screen, but most of it was a direct result of the festering tripe that was Hide and Seek.
I should have known better, veteran that I am of craptacular horror aplenty. The vague, evasive trailer and the disturbing heroin chic of PodChild!DakotaFanning should have warned me away, but I am a masochist, and like a mindless, shambling zombie attracted to the suppurating stench of rotten flesh, I went, ticket stub and styrene popcorn in tow. Stephen King called it the siren song of crap, and I think he's right. It is the rubberneck-at-a-trainwreck mentality, but I also think it's because, like all die-hard horror fans, I genuinely want to be scared, to prove I'm not that jaded, not yet. Occasionally, the filmmakers get it right(Identity, Frailty, Session 9, The Ring.
Alas, not this time. No, the filmmakers roll out every tired cliche ever beaten into bleeding submission in this puppy. In fact, it is so awfully that I suspect the "writers" were actually sugar-crazed middle schoolers playing the Woefully Unscary Campfire Tales Sweepstakes or PCP-choked monkeys given keyboards and a hat from which to draw the dependable horror tropes.
Observe the banality:
( Hide and Seek-Long With Major Spoilers. Read at Your Own Risk. Excellent Cure for Insomnia )
I should have known better, veteran that I am of craptacular horror aplenty. The vague, evasive trailer and the disturbing heroin chic of PodChild!DakotaFanning should have warned me away, but I am a masochist, and like a mindless, shambling zombie attracted to the suppurating stench of rotten flesh, I went, ticket stub and styrene popcorn in tow. Stephen King called it the siren song of crap, and I think he's right. It is the rubberneck-at-a-trainwreck mentality, but I also think it's because, like all die-hard horror fans, I genuinely want to be scared, to prove I'm not that jaded, not yet. Occasionally, the filmmakers get it right(Identity, Frailty, Session 9, The Ring.
Alas, not this time. No, the filmmakers roll out every tired cliche ever beaten into bleeding submission in this puppy. In fact, it is so awfully that I suspect the "writers" were actually sugar-crazed middle schoolers playing the Woefully Unscary Campfire Tales Sweepstakes or PCP-choked monkeys given keyboards and a hat from which to draw the dependable horror tropes.
Observe the banality:
( Hide and Seek-Long With Major Spoilers. Read at Your Own Risk. Excellent Cure for Insomnia )