Oh, CSI:NY, it's been a while since I've boarded your wankbus, but apparently, I caught it yesterday.

Grissom_rules mentions that they're excited to see how Mac will return to the lab.

I was feeling salty that day and answered:

With a brass band and fireworks shooting out of his ass, like as not.

Was it necessary? No. But I was feeling chippy, had just seen the ridiculous from-the-shoes-up reveal of His Highness returning to his kingdom, and was commenting on Mac's innate smugness--which was on view at the end of "Keep It Real", by the by--and the show's love of the ham-fisted drama. A bit of throwaway snark.

Jade_Nolan brings the butthurt:

Was that really necessary? I get you don't like his character for whatever reason, but there's no need to go out of your way to be vitriolic about him and Gary. I can't stand Horatio or David Caruso, so I stay away from talking about them because I know there are a lot of people who (for whatever reason unbeknownst to me) do like him. Each to their own. I don't go pointlessly insulting Horatio/Caruso just because I can't stand either. I don't like either Lindsey or Hawkes on NY either. But when I bring up that I don't, it's in context with an explained reason and not just straight-up bashing their characters or the actors.

Sorry, I'm just tired of people who seem to take every opportunity to slam characters and the people who play them just because they don't like them. Jo/Sela... Mac/Gary... and even though I don't like them myself, Lindsey/Anna and Sheldon/Hill. Like I said, there's a way to discuss the cons and reasons for dislike without simply slamming them without explanation at every opportunity given. That sort of thing drives me nuts, even if I might agree with the 'dislike'.


I've slammed Mac for a long time, and yes, I have criticized Gary Sinise in the past, but where was the Sinise-bashing in that post? There is none. So, either they are acknowledging that Mac is Gary Sinise's avatar, or they're still chafed about this review of Indelible and decided to overlay the comments made therein, which did blast Sinise rather heavily, on a one-line comment. They've made no secret of the fact that they like Mac and look up to and admire Sinise for his support of the U.S. military and first responders, and I understand the knee-jerk influence to defend your personal woobies. I do it, too. Just admit that's what it is instead of framing it as a crusade for Great Character Justice, I'm betting that if it had been anyone but Mac, they would have just scrolled on by.

Anyway, I replied:

Oh, suck it up. Mac's self-aggrandizement is well-documented, and the producers play it up at every opportunity. Nowhere in there did I insult Gary.

I don't know why I bothered. It's not productive. Maybe I'm just tired of the "I don't like what you said, so shut up" school of discourse that permeates so many Internet circles. I hate DL, and I find rabid DLers annonying, but unless they're standing on their soapboxes screaming about persecution and telling the rest of the board to shut up, I'm not going to tell them they don't get to talk. I'm either going to disagree with them or roll my eyes and scroll. Pains in the ass have a right to express themselves, too, and the Internet isn't a theme park insulated against opinions you don't like or want to hear.
Oh, CSI:NY, it's been a while since I've boarded your wankbus, but apparently, I caught it yesterday.

Grissom_rules mentions that they're excited to see how Mac will return to the lab.

I was feeling salty that day and answered:

With a brass band and fireworks shooting out of his ass, like as not.

Was it necessary? No. But I was feeling chippy, had just seen the ridiculous from-the-shoes-up reveal of His Highness returning to his kingdom, and was commenting on Mac's innate smugness--which was on view at the end of "Keep It Real", by the by--and the show's love of the ham-fisted drama. A bit of throwaway snark.

Jade_Nolan brings the butthurt:

Was that really necessary? I get you don't like his character for whatever reason, but there's no need to go out of your way to be vitriolic about him and Gary. I can't stand Horatio or David Caruso, so I stay away from talking about them because I know there are a lot of people who (for whatever reason unbeknownst to me) do like him. Each to their own. I don't go pointlessly insulting Horatio/Caruso just because I can't stand either. I don't like either Lindsey or Hawkes on NY either. But when I bring up that I don't, it's in context with an explained reason and not just straight-up bashing their characters or the actors.

Sorry, I'm just tired of people who seem to take every opportunity to slam characters and the people who play them just because they don't like them. Jo/Sela... Mac/Gary... and even though I don't like them myself, Lindsey/Anna and Sheldon/Hill. Like I said, there's a way to discuss the cons and reasons for dislike without simply slamming them without explanation at every opportunity given. That sort of thing drives me nuts, even if I might agree with the 'dislike'.


I've slammed Mac for a long time, and yes, I have criticized Gary Sinise in the past, but where was the Sinise-bashing in that post? There is none. So, either they are acknowledging that Mac is Gary Sinise's avatar, or they're still chafed about this review of Indelible and decided to overlay the comments made therein, which did blast Sinise rather heavily, on a one-line comment. They've made no secret of the fact that they like Mac and look up to and admire Sinise for his support of the U.S. military and first responders, and I understand the knee-jerk influence to defend your personal woobies. I do it, too. Just admit that's what it is instead of framing it as a crusade for Great Character Justice, I'm betting that if it had been anyone but Mac, they would have just scrolled on by.

Anyway, I reply:

Oh, suck it up. Mac's self-aggrandizement is well-documented, and the producers play it up at every opportunity. Nowhere in there did I insult Gary.

I don't know why I bothered. It's not productive. Maybe I'm just tired of the "I don't like what you said, so shut up" school of discourse that permeates so many Internet circles. I hate DL, and I find rabid DLers annonying, but unless they're standing on their soapboxes screaming about persecution and telling the rest of the board to shut up, I'm not going to tell them they don't get to talk. I'm either going to disagree with them or roll my eyes and scroll. Pains in the ass have a right to express themselves, too, and the Internet isn't a theme park insulated against opinions you don't like or want to hear.

Now let's see how long it takes for a mod to thwap me.

ETA: And Top41 moves in with the thwap. Sorry, Top, but "suck it up" isn't a crushing personal insult, and sometimes, it needs to be said. I'm not sorry I said it.
laguera25: Dug from UP! (Default)
( Apr. 9th, 2011 02:03 am)
Until I'm more alert and coherent, here are a few preliminary thoughts on CSI:NY's latest episode. It is also a response to MacsgirlMel, who is a blithering idiot.

I'm sorry, I didn't realize there was a happiness requirement for being allowed to watch the show. I watch because I'm invested in the characters. I like them as imaginary people even if I despise the lackluster, slipshod writing that routinely distorts them to suit its half-assed ends. I watch because I like Flack, and I will watch until he goes toes and tits up or until the show ends, whichever comes first.

SPOILERS for CSI:NY 719: Food for Thought )
laguera25: Dug from UP! (Default)
( Apr. 9th, 2011 02:01 am)
Until I'm more alert and coherent, here are a few preliminary thoughts on CSI:NY's latest episode. It is also a response to MacsgirlMel, who is a blithering idiot.

I'm sorry, I didn't realize there was a happiness requirement for being allowed to watch the show. I watch because I'm invested in the characters. I like them as imaginary people even if I despise the lackluster, slipshod writing that routinely distorts them to suit its half-assed ends. I watch because I like Flack, and I will watch until he goes toes and tits up or until the show ends, whichever comes first.

SPOILERS for CSI:NY 719: Food for Thought )
Vegaslights can sit and spin. I know he is on my flist; I know he's a mod. I don't care. I'm not the slightest bit sorry for calling Country233 a "misanthrope" because she's proudly labeled herself that several times. To get all butthurt because someone else affirms that assessment is rich. If she didn't want that label, she shouldn't have loudly proclaimed it, pasted it onto herself, and then paraded it around the board as some badge of honor.

I regret calling her a sociopath. It's a serious label to hand someone, one best applied by qualified and skilled psychiatrists, and I am neither. I'm an armchair shrink who's watched too much Criminal Minds, and I certainly wouldn't like it if some twonk I'd never clapped eyes on started diagnosing me from three posts on the Internet. So, I was wrong there.

That said, I maintain that she has serious emotional issues if she is proud of the fact that she "is pretty uncaring when it comes to other people." I'm not saying she has to like them; hell, I don't like other people much, either. On the main, I find them cloddish, self-absorbed, and irksome. I am a crabby misanthrope. There is a difference, however, between disliking people and being utterly incapable of the most basic human empathy, and the fact that Country233 has felt no sympathy for the victims for the past few weeks repulses and alarms me. She strikes me as the person who would not only gladly advocate that the cripples and the elderly be thrown overboard to lighten the load of a foundering ship, but would gladly heave them over the side and feel not the slightest twinge of guilt. She is a scary, nasty person, and for her to get butthurt at my assessment of her online personality is dimly amusing in light of her eagerness to cast judgment on fictional victims of fictional crimes.
Tags:
I know most of you don't follow TalkCSI, but it has its share of choice wank.

Last night on CSI:NY, a skeevy store manager was murdered by the female employee whom he'd been blackmailing after he caught her skimming from the store tills. Rather than fire her or report her to upper management, he promises her his silence in exchange for sex. The employee agrees, but soon tires of being dehumanized and refuses to continue with the arrangement. She tells the manager to report her, but instead, he attempts to rape and strangle her. The employee gropes for a weapon and winds up braining him with a branch from a metal tree, killing him.

Our friend, Country233, who you may remember from the minor kerfluffle over whether or not the abused have the right to kill their abuser in order to end the abuse, gives the world this nugget of wisdom:

Fair enough, but I won't go into the fact that she allowed him to take advantage in the past...I do admit he was much more likely to be an immediate threat to the woman than the mother in Justidied.

Something about her sweeping generalizations and blithe victim-blaming puts my nose out of joint--or maybe it's just Country233. who seems so assured in her sheltered ignorance--and so I reply:

Yes, because no woman has ever been exploited or sexually coerced by an authority figure, and everyone knows that once a woman gives consent to the sexual act, no matter how grudgingly, she loses the right to retract that consent or refuse further exploitation.

She put herself into a precarious position by skimming from the tills, and her altruistic motives don't absolve her from responsibility for the theft. Grossman should have fired her on the spot, and if he had, I would have had no sympathy for her. But to imply that she had what was coming to her at Grossman's hands because she stole money makes me need a shower. Many, many showers.


I am now anticipating a wankalanche of butthurt.

ETA: And the first pebbles begin to fall:

Country233 responds:

I wasn't saying that she had it coming to her since she stole the money. He should've fired her, but he was a horny man, he wasn't going to get rid of her. It is gross that she went along with his perverse stuff.

I need another shower:

So, let me see if I have this right:

1. Grossman was a horny lech who wouldn't have fired her because he fully intended to sexually exploit her regardless of her answer to his proposal. In other words, you acknowledge that he fully intended to rape her.

2. But it's gross because she opted for the less physically violent rape in order to lessen the pain and trauma of the ordeal.

3. Conclusion: She is gross and undeserving of sympathy because she "allowed" herself to be a victim, even though there was no way to avoid victimization at that point. Only badly-beaten, helpless rape victims deserve sympathy.

Yeah. Wow.


With Lava soap and an SOS pad.
Tags:
Mad money for NYC has been deposited, confirmation slip for retrieval of Amtrak tickets at the station has been printed, and prepaid cellphone has been purchased. The phone is a Verizon Wireless prepaid Samsung Gusto, and I still have to register it and all that jazz. I'm going to wait until tomorrow because the weather here is abysmal, and I don't want to risk a power failure halfway through the registration process. Besides, I still need to decide on the plan I want. Those who have asked for my number should have it by Friday at the latest. If you'd like my number and haven't asked for it, drop me a PM.

I was a bit crabby with Country333 on TalkCSI last night. She didn't entirely deserve it, but I'm tired of people who get melodramatically butthurt when someone disagrees with their interpretation of How Things Should Be. If Country333 wants to believe that abuse victims always have other options than lethal force when dealing with their abusers, and that the system is always successful in protecting victims of violence and prosecuting offenders, then that is her right, the mountain of evidence to the contrary notwithstanding. She is perfectly within her rights as a human being to jam her fingers into her ears and scream, "Lalala, I can't hear you." It's the time-honored tradition of fannish shippers and sheltered neophytes alike. But to take it one step further and claim that divergent viewpoints that don't fit into her idealistic moral rubric make her a tragically-misunderstood misanthrope fighting hopelessly against the tide of moral indifference and depravity makes my ass twitch. An opposing viewpoint on the issue of the rights of the abused to defend themselves is not a bruise upon your soul, and if it is, might I suggest that you exchange your dollar-store soul for one made of sterner stuff?

I didn't misunderstand Country333. I just didn't agree with her, and I'm not going to be sorry for recognizing that there are many shades of grey between black and white, and that sometimes, you have to make your own imperfect happy ending because there are no white knights to save you.
Does anyone else think Country333 on TalkCSI is not much with the smarts?

My emergency fund cash finally arrived today, and so the last of the pieces has fallen into place for NYC. Squee! I'll be getting my disposable cell on Wednesday or Thursday and will give the number to those who have asked for it. If you want it and will be in NY, drop me a PM.

I still can't believe this is really happening. I'm scared and thrilled and daunted by my own audacity. I've never undertaken an adventure this big, and I've never been so far from home without a safety net. Right now the scariest part for me will be the drive through Atlanta interstate traffic. For those who have never experienced it, it's like the Daytona 500 as driven by meth heads and gimps with severe coordination and spasticity issues. Drivers change lanes with no signal at eighty miles an hour. The last time I endured the terror, I fully expected Darryl Waltrip to pop out of the backseat, screaming, "Look out, he's gonna put us in the wall!" while Jimmy Johnson cruised past us in the Lowe's car. If there were a way to reach the Amtrak station without participating in the Greater Atlanta Death Race, I would take it.

Speaking of Amtrak, does anyone know if the conductors are going to give me the stinkeye for having another paying passenger visit me in the gimp cattle car? Another Rammfan is taking the same train, and she wanted to hang out a bit on the train trip. I don't want to start a shitfit with the conductors because there is another passenger hanging out in my car for a few hours, because you know, they might be taking advantage of that styling crip toilet positioned in full view of the compartment door with nothing to shield it from goggling eyes but a flimsy shower curtain.

Ten days. Ten days, and I'll be in NYC.
Yesterday, Roomie noticed that the computer was running several mysterious processes, so this morning, we gave it the figurative finger with Avast. Sure enough, it had acquired three trojans within forty-eight hours. They're all relatively new; WOW64main.exe emerged just six days ago. Anyhow, Avast! kindly torpedoed them into oblivion, and the computer is purring happily along.

The lesson? Norton is useless. I'd uninstalled Avast a few months ago because it and Norton were having a massive technological cockfight that was gobbling system and network resources. Since Avast finds threats Norton doesn't, it wins the proverbial shooting match.

The heavy rains resurrected the previously-patched leak in the roof in the upstairs bathroom. Ideally, I'd replace the shingled roof with a new tin one, but I know that if I even broach the subject, my mother will immediately renew her campaign for me to buy another house in the area and move again. I could negotiate with the red-necked angels and pay for it from my trust, but the house is still in her name, and I couldn't keep her out of the loop in good conscience. If the bathroom were the only problem, I might keep mum and learn to live with a wet ass, but there are other water spots in the master bedroom, and I don't relish the thought of waking up to a spot of impromptu water torture. I just know that this is going to invite the bull drama llama to the yard faster than the enticing scent of llama pussy on the breeze.

I fully expect the CSI:NY portion of the much-bally-hooed CSI trilogy to be a Mactimonious snorefest, but I'm hopeful that Criminal Minds will continue its trend of coaxing superlative performances from guest stars of dubious talent.

Dear entitled NY fantits,

I'm not sure if Eddie Cahill will get "paternity leave" when his wife gives birth, but fuck you and your self-centered whining. If the man takes a week off to be with his new family, he has that right, and good on him for using it. He's not your personal masturbation fantasy doll. It might come as a shock to you, but Eddie isn't Don Flack. He's Eddie, whoever that really is, and he doesn't need your permission to live his life. I'm sure he won't lose a wink of sleep if you stop watching because he misses a few episodes. Unlike you, he has his priorities in order.

Fuck off, you selfish little fucktits,

La Guera
For those of you who are following along, here is Et Tu, Part XIIb. Part XIIa is available also, and is located in the links to various chapters section just above the story proper.


Blast and damn, but they canceled Eleventh Hour. Bastards. I liked that show. It was smarter than your average crime drama pablum, and Jacob Hood was a likeable hybrid of Gil Grissom and an actual human being. Not to mention that Rachel Young was one of the few female leads in a position of authority who didn't attempt to put my eyes out with wild and inexpert wielding of her clit codpiece. And Agent Lee was a refreshing blast of idealistic exuberance. But it's gone, victim of network penny-pinching. Because canceling a show that was developing a solid fanbase makes much more fiscal sense than curtailing the out-of-control stunt casting used oh-so-effectively to prop up floundering shows. Yes, sir, casting Ashlee Simpson and Peter Wentz sure shot CSI:NY to prominence. Those ratings have skyrocketed under this policy of turning the show into a cavalcade of B-list faces.

Oh, wait.

Between this and the niggling fear that Flack received a hot lead infusion in the NY finale and will have a pink slip folded reverently over his casket, I'm deeply embittered by TV at the moment.

Speaking of CSI:NY, a minute faction of DL supporters have begun to wonder why no one has criticized Angell for being "unprofessional" by calling Flack while on a security detail.

Was it unprofessional? Yes. Utterly. It was naive and stupid and made me wonder just how experienced Angell was as an officer. She should not have been engaged in phone foreplay with her boyfriend while babysitting a witness whose father is a ruthless publishing magnate. She should've known better. Frankly, the entire scene made me question the wisdom of assigning her to the protection detail. Why was she sitting with her back to the window? Wouldn't it be smarter to face the window so you can see the approach of an imminent threat, like, oh, I don't know, an armored van? The protection detail was a joke.

But.

No matter how unprofessional she was, Angell didn't deserve to die. The poor execution of her duty doesn't give those mercenaries the right to gun her down, nor does it lessen the effect of her death on the others. Mac isn't going to be any less angry over her death because she was doing something ill-advised, and Flack isn't going to be less devastated because the performance of her duty wasn't flawless. She still died at the hands of thugs and goons who shot up a diner of innocent people, and I'm not going to say she deserved it because she took five seconds to talk to someone she loved. If Lindsay had gone down in a hail of bullets while promising to clean Danny's banana hammock with her tongue, the DLers would tweet and bleat about how romantic and tragic it was, and none of them would point out that Lindsay might've seen it coming if she weren't stewing in her own juices.

And if Lindsay had gone down instead of Angell, I wouldn't have blamed her, either. Because being thoughtless and stupid doesn't mean you deserve to die, even if you're so self-absorbed that you view the world from the comfort of your own asshole.
For those of you who are following along, here is Et Tu, Part XIIb. Part XIIa is available also, and is located in the links to various chapters section just above the story proper.


Blast and damn, but they canceled Eleventh Hour. Bastards. I liked that show. It was smarter than your average crime drama pablum, and Jacob Hood was a likeable hybrid of Gil Grissom and an actual human being. Not to mention that Rachel Young was one of the few female leads in a position of authority who didn't attempt to put my eyes out with wild and inexpert wielding of her clit codpiece. And Agent Lee was a refreshing blast of idealistic exuberance. But it's gone, victim of network penny-pinching. Because canceling a show that was developing a solid fanbase makes much more fiscal sense than curtailing the out-of-control stunt casting used oh-so-effectively to prop up floundering shows. Yes, sir, casting Ashlee Simpson and Peter Wentz sure shot CSI:NY to prominence. Those ratings have skyrocketed under this policy of turning the show into a cavalcade of B-list faces.

Oh, wait.

Between this and the niggling fear that Flack received a hot lead infusion in the NY finale and will have a pink slip folded reverently over his casket, I'm deeply embittered by TV at the moment.

Speaking of CSI:NY, a minute faction of DL supporters have begun to wonder why no one has criticized Angell for being "unprofessional" by calling Flack while on a security detail.

Was it unprofessional? Yes. Utterly. It was naive and stupid and made me wonder just how experienced Angell was as an officer. She should not have been engaged in phone foreplay with her boyfriend while babysitting a witness whose father is a ruthless publishing magnate. She should've known better. Frankly, the entire scene made me question the wisdom of assigning her to the protection detail. Why was she sitting with her back to the window? Wouldn't it be smarter to face the window so you can see the approach of an imminent threat, like, oh, I don't know, an armored van? The protection detail was a joke.

But.

No matter how unprofessional she was, Angell didn't deserve to die. The poor execution of her duty doesn't give those mercenaries the right to gun her down, nor it does lessen the effect of her death on the others. Mac isn't going to be any less angry over her death because she was doing something ill-advised, and Flack isn't going to be less devastated because the performance of her duty wasn't flawless. She still died at the hands of thugs and goons who shot up a diner of innocent people, and I'm not going to say she deserved it because she took five seconds to talk to someone she loved. If Lindsay had gone down in a hail of bullets while promising to clean Danny's banana hammock with her tongue, the DLers would tweet and bleat about how romantic and tragic it was, and none of them would point out that Lindsay might've seen it coming if she weren't stewing in her own juices.

And if Lindsay had gone down instead of Angell, I wouldn't have blamed her, either. Because being thoughtless and stupid doesn't mean you deserve to die, even if you're so self-absorbed that you view the world from the comfort of your own asshole.
Maybe this makes me a twat, but no, I'm not going to "chill" on my criticism of TPTB, and I really don't care if that abbreviation irks Kristine on TalkCSI. I like Top; she's usually a nice, even-handed mod, and I've no desire to hurt her feelings or engage in shit-stirring, which is why I'm not posting this anywhere but here, but her abjuration to "chill" in our criticism of TPTB reads like so much hand-wringing, Pollyanna bullshit. As far as I've seen, it hasn't gotten personal, and as fandom so often bleats in its more self-righteous moments, anything put up for public consumption is fair game for critique. So the writers and producers created interesting characters and an engaging universe. Great. Fabulous. I'm grateful, but in fandom, gratitude has an alarmingly short shelf life.

If you want the fandom to play nice because you're afraid Mama CBS will withhold the spoiler teat or limit access to the talent, man up and admit it. Don't dress it up in the Cult of Nice that permeates the Internet like a fungus. But don't expect me to kiss some very chapped asses to soothe wounded egos. They're not the frumpy, acne-riddled fat girl who's spent her entire life being mocked and ridiculed and is in desperate need of reassurance and hand-holding. They're well-paid professionals who understood exactly what they were getting into when they were contracted for the job. I don't feel sorry for them, and I don't owe them anything. Why not, you ask? Because they'll tell anyone who'll listen that they don't owe the viewers a damn thing, either. Marg Helgenberger illustrated that very succinctly in a recent interview when she said, "Who gives a shit what they think?" when asked if she read fan forums.

Fair enough. I can respect that. It's honest. But if that's the way TPTB feel, then why should I censor myself to protect their precious snowflake sensibilities? Because I owe them for the characters they create or portray? The hell I do. The studio owes them a salary. I owe them only what I choose to give, and I'm not going to slurp some preening writers, lest they take their ball and go home because those meanies didn't grin and spread every time they uncapped their pens and thank them for the trip to nirvana when it was over.

So, TPTB have given us great characters and great episodes. Well, they've given us far fewer great episodes over the last two seasons, and I'm not going to overlook the decline because it hurts to see it. Season three had its moments. Season four was a muddled mess with flashes of brilliance. Season five, with the exception of three episodes, has been an abortion. I'm sorry, but I'm not going to blindly coo over the baby and ignore the maggot-infested shit oozing from its diaper in a bid to be polite. I'm going to point and scream and demand that something be done, and then I'm going to steam myself in the shower until I look like albino beef jerky. It's what normal people do. If people feel the tone of the board has grown too grim, then that's their bout with the archangel Michael at the foot of the mountain. Make a fluffy cloud kumbaya corner where everyone can burn incense that smells like singed eyebrows and talk about how groovy it is that CSI:NY has a good episode twice a season. This isn't preschool, and I don't have to list ten things that make the CSI:NY writers, actors and producers awesome. Especially when I know that two-thirds of the people so enthusiastically kissing ass will still be just as critical in the stinky privacy of the Internet bathroom. I'd rather be an honest asshole than a disingenuous pod person.



In happier news, I bought a Yoshi mini action figure at the mall today as well as Dan Simmons' The Terror and Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett. I almost bought Terry Goodkind's The Wizard's First Rule, too, because I wanted to see if The Legend of the Seeker's source material was any good. However, I dimly remembered various Netizens opining that the hero inevitably morphs into an insufferable jackass Stu who takes credit for every cultural and technological advance in human civilization, much like Ayla from The Clan of the Cave Bear series, and I decided to forebear for the time being. Am I depriving myself of a treat, or have I dodged a fulsome, overweening bullet?
Memo to incredulous TalkCSI fans:

Flack is literate. Why is it a surprise that he has books in his home, even--as one awe-stricken poster pointed out in the reverent tones of a teenage girl who has just caught her first glimpse of a sacred peepee--hardback novels? He's mentioned listening to books on tape when he drives, so why wouldn't he like to, I don't know, read? A high school education doesn't preclude you from continuing your education on your own, and Flack's not some slouch-shouldered Bowery boy who thinks learning is for pussies and limp-dicks. In fact, he's one of the few cops who appreciates and respects the work of the Nerd Herd and the education behind it.

Reading. Not just for tower-dwelling eggheads who can't get laid.

If it weren't for the pretty screencaps that often accompany his posts, I'd put Zhu on my Ignore list. His nonsensical scribblings make my eyes cross. But since Lusty Fangirl is an international tongue, I can hear the "I'd like to fuck Flack sideways," in every grammar-raping and syntax-sodomizing line. I don't blame him for the sentiment because I share it, but I wish he'd get a better Babelfish.

Numb3rs Goes to Heap Watch )
Oh, Internet. There are days that I tell myself that I don't need you anymore, that I have wearied of your fleeting attractions, that you've lost your luster.

And then, as I surf your endless ocean, I find something like this, a sentence so wondrous in its badness that I bow before its awesome power.

...my cunt makes a disappointed queeb sound as we separate.

No, this immortal nugget of prose springs not from bad fanfiction or from the blog of a horny but inexperienced teenager. It comes from published "profic," and there's more where that came from.

Behold Knight Moves.

Oh, thank you, Internet, for restoring my faith in your ability to make me laugh until my stomach hurts.


I'm dimly amused at the reaction to Flack saying, "Douchebag" in last week's episode of CSI:NY. He was referring to Timothy McVeigh, for Christ's sake, who blew up the federal building in Oklahoma City. As a victim of a much smaller bombing himself, it's hardly surprising that Flack would hold such sentiments. It's more surprising that he chose to lob such mild invective. As a seasoned New York cop, I'm sure he has access to choicer profanity.

Honestly; the man is an adult living in New York City. Why is it so shocking that he'd have a potty mouth? "Rush to Judgment" told us that Stella had never heard Flack curse, but that doesn't mean he doesn't. Maybe his mother told him not to curse when in the company of women. I'm sure he curses like a sailor when he's with friends. It's part of the fabric of city life. It's not a black mark on his character if he swears. I swear profusely, and I'm neither a man nor a resident of NYC. It's a natural byproduct of human language, as necessary and integral as idioms and regional colloquialisms.

But maybe I'm biased, because in my head, Flack curses like a longshoreman when he's mad or stressed and uses profanity to great erotic effect in bed. Who hasn't let a "fuck," "shit", or "pussy" fly when the sex is good? Not to mention the myriad of other slang terms for sex and its requisite equipment on offer?

Do people really think Flack goes through life like this?

Danny: Flack, the suspect's gettin' away!

Flack: I got him, Danno! Tip top!

(There's a feverish pursuit, during which the perp kicks Flack in the nuts.)

F(wheezing): Oh, darn it! That hurt like the dickens. Ouch. How aggravating.

D: He got away.

F: Oh, fiddlesticks. I'll get the hoodlum next time.

~Eyeroll~

Adults curse. Even articulate, smart, hot TV characters you want to hammer like a tenpenny nail. Put on your big girl panties and cope.
-Numb3rs was boring this week, utterly, utterly boring. It should've been gripping, the case of an "innocent" man on death row, but it wasn't. It quickly devolved into a philosophical wang-waving contest between Don and Robin. Robin didn't want the man to be innocent because she didn't want to face the possibility that she was wrong, that in her zeal to uphold justice and avenge a colleague, she'd convicted the wrong man. What bugged me most about her position, however, was its reliance on ridiculing Don's newfound faith. Don, for once, hadn't broached the subject of Judaism, and she immediately began spitting barbs about asking his rabbi about the idea of "an eye for an eye." It was flat-out nasty, and made her look like a disingenuous twat. Either support Don's decision to explore religion or don't, but don't use it as a convenient truncheon with which to bludgeon him whenever you have a professional disagreement.

Not that Don bandied his end of the argument much better. He came across as patronizing, as though he thought Robin was a timid little woman too delicate to understand the stakes at hand. It would've been better had Don acknowledged the difficulty of her job rather than belittling it and her. Granted, there is a quantum difference between understanding the psychological mechanisms behind seeking the death penalty and experiencing the act of taking a human life. But that difference doesn't give Don Eppes more of a right to decide what's justice and what isn't.

Can we please get rid of Bettancourt? Her constant needling of David for his close friendship with Colby wasn't funny. It was snide and petty and obnoxious and needs to stop. If David made constant sexual innuendos about Bettancourt and Warner, he'd be slapped with a sexual harassment complaint and banished to a sensitivity seminar, but if Bettancourt does it in the name of being sassy and busting balls with the guys, it's not only acceptable but something to be admired.

Fuck you. Bettancourt is an ass.

I'm not at all surprised that Larry Fleinhardt morphs into Rageman when his competitive juices are stoked. We've seen hints of it before when Megan was attacked in S2. That was the only bright spot in the episode, and even it was dulled by the pointless appearance of Pau Gasol and another NBA yahoo at the end of the game. Way to waste money that could be used to help Cold Case stay on the air and to re-enforce the idea that winning by any means necessary is all that matters.

Numb3rs is officially on Heap Watch.

Eleventh Hour--SPOILERS )

--The illiteracy on TalkCSI makes my head throb. Is it that hard to use the SHIFT key? Arrange your thoughts into sentences instead of stringing them together on endless chains of ellipses? I swear, reading the boards is like watching a hippie craft fair through a haze of patchouli and marijuana smoke.

-I wish Ghawazee would shut the fuck up about Smacked. No matter the topic, she somehow manages to wrangle it around to the sad and criminal neglect of the One Twu Wub that is Mac and Stella. Hence, her illiterate ravings are splattered over the forums like viscous, steaming pellets of bird shit. If it weren't for the fact that the mods are morally obligated to play Net Nanny and thwap me for refusing to play nice with the kid in the corner who stinks, drools on himself, and periodically reaches into his rubber pants and flings poo at everyone, I'd summon my own inner Rageman and loose the hounds. Maybe when CSI:NY is canceled...
My blood pressure would be considerably lower if I'd just learn to scroll past Ghwazee's illiterate ramblings on Talk. Perhaps English isn't her first language, but that doesn't explain or excuse her staunch refusal to punctuate or capitalize.

I yearn to blast her for her foaming illiteracy and her rabid Smacked fixation, but I know the mods, in a bid to preserve the board's sacred wank cherry, would drub me into the proverbial floor for pointing out her idiocy attacking another poster. I know this because I got thwapped for chewing on an obnoxious tweenie who was attempting to use the lessons learned in her high school Civics course to justify the existence and imminent canonical validation of D/L. For the curious, the lesson she so judiciously and cunningly applied was, "We live in a democracy, and democracy rules, so shut the fuck up." She was no doubt absent on the day the teacher discussed the role the right to dissent plays in a healthy democratic republic.

Her teacher was surely proud to see his lessons so heroically applied. I'm sure he wiped away a tear. Right before he went into the bottom drawer of his desk for his therapeutic stash of Beam.

Anyway, I shall restrain myself as best I'm able and devote myself to more productive pursuits, like staring vapidly at the House marathon on USA, pooping, and watching the third disc of my Kane DVD.
I want to punch Ghwazee in the face. I know what it's like to be fiercely protective of fictional characters, and I've often viewed the actions of the characters I favor in the best possible light. For example, I'm a lapsed Snapeist, but when I was actively involved in the HP fandom, I routinely defended his often atrocious treatment of the Trio. I liked that he was one of the few Hogwarts faculty members who didn't let Harry skate by just for being The Boy Who Lived. I often pointed out that Harry was often an obnoxious, dismissive, reckless, snotty fuckwit, and that Snape was the only adult who had the gumption to call him on these faults.

I insisted he was doing the right thing in the wrong manner. I was, and still am, a Snape apologist. So, I know about being a defender of fannish faith.

But goddammit, Stella is wrong for defying Mac's direct order to let the matter of the Greek consulate be. Not because the order issued from the mouth of Mighty Mac; indeed, if that were the sole criterion with which to judge the rightness of her actions, I'd shake her hand and wish her luck, because Mac is a master hypocrite. It's not even because she's disregarding a direct and very explicit order from a superior, because well, Mac often wipes his tightly-clenched ass with the chain of command when it interferes with his holy crusades.

She's wrong because she's involving and thereby endangering other people in her vengeance quest. If she were going this alone, I'd call her a fool, to be sure, but I'd respect her for being so dogged. As it is, she's dragged other people into an action that is taking place without the sanction of the NYPD, and more importantly, without its protections. Right now, Stella and Angell are on their own, and if something goes wrong, there isn't going to be a Kevlar cavalry outside the door. And what about the counterfeiter she's strong-armed into helping her? Yes, he's a crook, but he's not a violent felon as far as we know, and he clearly is under the impression that Stella is operating under the aegis of the NYPD. Who's going to help him once Mr. Tall, Dark, and Skeevy catches up with him?

If Stella has informed Angell that she's operating "off the reservation" and risking her career, then Angell is a grown woman who's capable of making her own decisions, but if Stella hasn't laid all the cards on the table, then Stella is blithely and willingly risking Angell's career and life for her own ends without informing Angell(or anyone else) of the extent of the danger she faces, and that's wrong any way you slice it. In fact, that's disgusting and morally reprehensible, and no amount of single-fingered fannish whitewashing will change that. Period.
I see my review of the latest CSI:NY episode has starched Lpoheartsnick's britches on Talk. Apparently, she pities me because I continue to watch a show with which I often have serious issues. Why she pities me, I don't know; I find that being critical of a show means that I am more engaged with it, more invested in its world and characters. If I watch a show, but am not engaged, I seldom waste time thinking on it beyond its surface trappings as a brainless time killer. The fact that I take the time to rail at the mind-croggling shortcomings of CSI:NY is a measure of my fannish investment. I want the show to succeed, but that doesn't mean I'm just going to sit still and open wide when the PTB brandish their shit-encrusted shovels and tell me it's Rocky Road.

CSI:NY has problems, but I watch because it has moments of brilliance that make it worthwhile; when those moments are no longer sufficient to maintain my interest, I will move on. I've done so with CSI, Without a Trace, and Cold Case, and nearly tipped NCIS into the chum bucket when it devolved into the Jenn Sheppard Angst Hour.

Besides, ranting at a television show is a wonderful means of stress relief and emotional decompression. Fictional people can't be hurt by my ill-tempered rantings, and if, perchance, the writers are cut to the quick by my assessment of their work, they can either speak up for themselves or take solace in sniffing the ink on their paychecks, any one of which would support me for a year.

I will now take solace in telling Lpoheartsnick to shut the fuck up. If my unfavorable reviews are a buzzkill, she can put me in her killfile and thus be spared my unwelcome opinions.


A while back, Eddie Cahill mentioned that he'd asked the propmasters to make a replica of his late grandfather's NYPD badge for use on the show, and ever since, I've been eyeballing his badge for changes. Well, stills from either "My Name Is Mac Taylor" or "The Box" seem to indicate that a change was made. The new badge appears more golden in color, with less blue in the center. It might've been a trick of the light(the badge was on a lanyard around his neck), but it does look like a different badge. Guess Eddie got his wish.

Speaking of Flack, rumor has it that the animated Flack from the new PC game is a monument to fug, but I can't find a screenshot to confirm this because I refuse to tax my aging and decrepit OS with another Flash upgrade. Does anyone have a screenshot of FrankenFlack?
Dear Elwood21,

Please to be fucking yourself. I realize that Eddie Cahill's chances of winning or being nominated for an Emmy are as remote as my chances of being involved in a five-way fuckfest with Eddie, Hill Harper, Till Lindemann, and Christian Bale. But I'm a fan, and fans often become giddy and starry-eyed at the prospect of their favorite doing something amazing. Hell, most diehards are so devoted and happily deluded that they'll champion their favorite even when they're less than amazing or downright awful. If you don't believe me, take a look at the alarming preponderance of DLers who purport that the upcoming developments between Danny and his angry wooden puppet will be the greatest idea EVAR.

I am well within my rights to geeble and wave my Eddie Cahill fangirl flag with gusto despite the fact that he'll be nominated when Hell freezes over. So, excuse me, you constipated wet blanket, but that's just what I'm going to do. Mrs. G. spent much of last season pimping Carmine for an Emmy nomination, going so far as to organize a feeble fan campaign, and nobody said mum. In fact, most were supportive even if they didn't participate.

So take your smug, world-weary condescension and blow it out your rose-scented ass.

I love Talk, but sometimes, I hate it, too. If only my keyboard were armed with a SMITE button for use against twee cunt leaks bent on pissing on others' fannish buzzes.

And this is one post I won't be copying to Talk, much joy though it would bring me to watch the self-righteousness and Net nannying explode.

Rather than switch gears from pounding my savage hate-on for other people with masturbatory glee to critical analysis, I'm going to save my Flack speculation for tomorrow, when I'm no longer tempted to punch faceless Internet personae in the face.
Possible Flack SPOILERS--SPOILERS for S5 )

Having said all of that, the suit Flack is sporting in those pics is sexy as hell; it looks almost like a silk tux. The collar of his shirt is open like he'd just taken off a bowtie. Rowr.

Also, they way he's holding her hair strikes me as a slice of dominant alpha male. Guh. Excuse me while I blow dry my panties.
.

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