The 35th Precinct

Because I'm a dork, I tallied all my letter grades for the episodes, assigned collegiate numerical values, and divided by 21. Apparently, I gave this season a C-. There were some fabulous episodes: "Admissions", "Child's Play," "Commuted Sentences", but the show was saddled with increasingly outlandish, vapid cases, uneven characterization, mangled, hopelessly retconned canon, bad writing, and a terrible, joyless ship that refuses to either gel or die. It drags on, draining the energy from other characters and plot points to sustain itself.

The show suffered from a great deal of Mac-itis, none of it very compelling. Nobody likes the tool who thinks it's all about him and makes it so even when he oughtn't, but S4 was Mac heavy, much like S3. I like Mac when he's the quiet leader; I loathe him whenever he becomes Super!Mac righter of the world's wrongs and target of every disgruntled nutbar in the universe. Honestly, we know Mac is competent, Iron Man in Jockeys. Can we please give the other characters a chance to strut their stuff? No more 333 Killers, please. Surely Mac's closet should be empty by now. Let the man catch a breather and stop introducing characters for the sole purpose of providing Mac with angst fodder or poontang pie.

And while we're on the subject, you need to close that particular cafeteria, TPTB. It's a health hazard. No more D/L, no more Stella/Creep of the Season, no Flack/tart, no Flack/Angell. No more bump 'n' grind of any kind until the monkeys harnessed in the writing room can manage the Herculean task of tying up a few plot threads. Like Louie. Or the status of that memo Sinclair thinks Mac leaked. Or why Hawkes needs extra shifts. Or why Flack is uncomfortable with his father. Or the mobster Mac swore to collar way back in S1. No more poonany pie until you can actually finish a meatloaf and not have it taste like country-fried ass.

There was too little focus on the cases and too much focus on useless personal drama. Half the time, the cases were resolved in the last five minutes with scant or no buildup. Time that could be spent on more solid resolutions was squandered on l33t technical gadgets and an increasing number of infomercials cleverly disguised as just the latest tool in the crime-fighting arsenal. The Cisco Systems pimp promenade in "Hostage" was a shining example of this despicable trend, as were the Second Life abortions that shat all over two episodes.

In short, this season was long on glitz and showed flashes of brilliance, but it was short on substance and hampered by ridiculous lapses into sponsorial indulgence and pandering. The writers are clearly under the delusion that the cases are secondary to the possibility of orgies in the breakroom and to the shiny lure of futuristic geegaws. They also seem to think us too dim or too mesmerized by the promise of PG porn to notice the yawning plotholes and shoddy plot contrivances that all too often make this show a joke. It's a trend I fully expect to continue, alas, as the writers have refused to learn from their mistakes.

( CSI:NY 420-Taxi--MAJOR SPOILERS )

C

Dear Writers,

When choosing a surname, it would behoove you not to pick one that belonged to the pivotal villain in S3. When the name "Hank Bedford" appeared on the computer screen, I was sure he was the older brother of Drew Bedford, the 333 Killer who had so recently menaced Stella and Mac. For the life of me, I didn't understand why Mac failed to react like a man who'd discovered a rattlesnake in his undershorts, and then I realized that the surname was coincidental and not meant to connect to prior cases. In the future, maybe you could flex your creativity and choose fresher names to pull out of your asses.

( CSI:NY 418-Price of Admission--Major SPOILERS )

A+ If only their upsurges in quality weren't as delayed and sporadic as a Viagra salute.

( CSI:NY 415-DOA for a Day--MAJOR SPOILERS )

C+

( CSI:NY 411-Child's Play--SPOILERS )

B+

( CSI:NY 409-One Wedding and a Funeral--SPOILERS )

B-

Last night, surreal_44 asked me what I thought about the case on CSI:NY, and the short answer is that I don't know.

The longer, more complex answer is that I'm divided. The Pollyanna in me, the little girl who grew up believing that laws should always be obeyed, says that Stanton was wrong to kill Mr. Swanky Rapist Dirtbag and deserves to be punished. Two wrongs don't make a right and platitudes ad nauseum.

But the little gremlin in me, the part of my subconscious that wrote Danse Macabre, understands that motive, that desire to even the scales. There are few human beings on this earth who don't secretly believe that the wrongs done them merit greater justice than man can mete. Stanton, ass-chafing, elitist snob that she was, did nothing more than what any mortally wronged soul would. When human justice failed, she sought her own...and created it. And how can I condemn that when I've written about it in lurid detail?

I am confused as to why Stanton created justice for someone other than herself, however. Was her attacker caught? Or were we meant to tap into the mythical sorority of the snatch, wherein women form bonds over shared trauma? Either way, it's interesting, and in a perverse, Grimms'-unsanitized-fairytale sense, Stanton fits the definition of a superhero. After all, she attained unattainable justice for someone else, an uniquely selfless act from an otherwise self-absorbed woman.

Much has been made of Mac and Flack's callous treatment of Vern upon her arrest. Mac has always conducted himself like a sanctimonious asscramp, so I am not at all surprised that he had his head tucked firmly up his own ass, the better to smell his magnificence. Flack, though, is more puzzling.

Flack has never struck me as a misogynist or a brute. On the contrary, he is fundamentally decent, and we've seen from "All Access" that he's capable of enormous sensitivity. So his demeanor with Vern is troubling. I can't imagine he sympathizes with a dead rapist. From his "They should've stopped at two" jab earlier in the episode, he seemed indifferent to the alleged rapist's demise.

Maybe he was upset that Vern-insofar as he knew-had taken the law into her own hands. Maybe he was overcompensating to hide his sympathy. Maybe he thought she was snowjobbing him. Whatever the case, his behavior was aggressive. I can't say it was unprecedented, since he raises the snark stakes with those he thinks to be absolutely guilty.

As to why he didn't apologize once her innocence had been established, maybe it was as simple as him not wanting to insult her further with a a lame "I was just doing my job, ma'am" defense. Maybe he thought he'd done enough and was lying low. I know I want to crawl under a rock after I've shown my ass. Not noble, but very human.

( CSI:NY 406-Boo--SPOILERS )

D

( CSI:NY 403: You Only Live Once--SPOILERS )

I'm going to stop now before my pretty hate machine explodes from overuse.